Diversion

There was a mention of Homer Simpson's To Kill A Mockingbird" reference in the paper on Saturday. Good enough reason to shamelessly rip off someone else's carefully compiled list of Homeric quotations - although I have edited it.

;0)

The internet was built for things like this. I have no idea how long it would take to sit and watch all those DVD's to try and track down a favourite line or two. I suspect you'd have to be retired though.

Anyway:


Bingo! I love that game, but I can't remember what to say when you win.

Ah, beer. The cause of, and the solution to, all of life's problems.

I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!

Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food.

I don't hate your mother, I just won't be sad when she dies.

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain - remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

It's like something out of that "twilighty" show about that zone.

I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.

Without our immigrants, who will kick our field goals, or train our white tigers?

Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you?

I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy - Hmmm. I think I need a bigger drill.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.

Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. Like this Bible. It cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.

Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.

All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.

Now, Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.

Books are useless: I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird" - and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin, but what good does THAT do me?